In a cross-code confusion that has left both leagues scrambling for answers, Penrith Panthers halfback and NRL megastar Nathan Cleary has reportedly been โtotally suspendedโ from NBA Sport after testing positive for what officials are calling โunfair levels of raw athletic ability no human should legally possess.โ
According to the fictional report released moments ago, Clearyโs name somehow appeared in an NBA testing database following a clerical error involving two separate athletes named โNathan C.โ The result triggered automatic suspension protocols before anyone noticed that:
Cleary does not play basketball.
Cleary has never been contracted to the NBA.
Clearyโs vertical leap, while impressive, is not in the same galaxy as professional dunkers.
NBA Issues Statement
A bewildered NBA spokesperson released a statement:
โWe sincerely apologise to Mr. Cleary. Our testing system flagged him for abnormal athletic talentโfar beyond the acceptable limits for basketball players. We now realise heโs actually a rugby league player and somehow even more dangerous in that sport.โ
NRL Reacts
The NRL clarified that Cleary is in zero danger of suspension in his actual sport.
โIf being too talented were an offence,โ an NRL official joked,
โNathan would have been banned three premierships ago.โ
Nathan Cleary Responds
Cleary himself reportedly laughed at the situation:
โI woke up thinking it was a prank. How am I suspended from a league Iโve never played in? Do I at least get a jersey?โ
Fans Are Loving It
Social media exploded almost instantly:
โCleary suspended from the NBA? Thatโs it. Move him to point guard.โ
โPeak 2025 energy: man banned from sport heโs never joined.โ
โImagine the Panthers running the triangle offence.

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