TOUCHDOWN FEW MINUTES AGO: Corolando avalanche, National Hockey League (NHL) Community are Overjoyed as president JOE SAKIC and Head Coach Jared Bednar Announce Left wing Alex Tanguay Reaves as the New C….. veiw more

TOUCHDOWN FEW MINUTES AGO: Avalanche Fans Celebrate as NHL Community Reacts to Shocking Appointment of “Alex Tanguay Reaves”

In a move that has left fans cheering, the hockey world confused, and sports journalists scrambling to verify what just happened, the Colorado Avalanche organization stunned everyone this evening by announcing the appointment of Alex Tanguay Reaves as the new C… (title reportedly cut off, assumed to mean “Captain” or possibly “Coach”?). The announcement came just minutes after a “touchdown,” although experts are still trying to determine what that means in the context of the NHL.

Speaking live from Ball Arena, Avalanche President of Hockey Operations Joe Sakic and Head Coach Jared Bednar stood side by side, grinning as they shared the news during an impromptu press conference.

“It’s been a long time coming,” Sakic said, barely audible over chants of “Tang-Reaves! Tang-Reaves!” from enthusiastic fans. “We’re proud to welcome Alex Tanguay Reaves to a new leadership role on this team… whatever that role is.”

Wait, Who is Alex Tanguay Reaves?

For those scratching their heads, this announcement appears to be a legendary fusion of former Avs star Alex Tanguay and current NHL enforcer Ryan Reaves — two players who have never been on the same roster, nor shared the same position, play style, or, until today, identity.

Despite the confusion, social media has exploded with speculation, memes, and heartfelt congratulations.

“Tough as nails, smooth as silk. The perfect player,” wrote one fan on X (formerly Twitter).

“I always said hockey needed more touchdowns,” added another.

A New Era for the Avalanche?

Coach Bednar, who has led the Avalanche to consistent playoff success in recent years, was equally enthusiastic:

“We needed a spark, someone who can score, fight, lead, maybe drive the team bus if needed. Tanguay Reaves is that guy,” Bednar said, possibly tongue-in-cheek, possibly not.

Although details about Reaves’ official position were cut off in the press release (ending at “C…”), insiders speculate that he might be the new team captain, a front-office assistant, or perhaps just an honorary title in celebration of the team’s recent preseason success.

The “Touchdown” Mystery

Perhaps most puzzling was the press release’s opening line: “TOUCHDOWN FEW MINUTES AGO.”

The NHL has yet to implement any scoring rule involving end zones or seven-point plays, but the Avalanche media team insists it’s metaphorical.

“It’s like a hockey touchdown, you know?” said one media intern. “Like, we just scored big. Don’t overthink it.”

What This Means for the 2025-26 Season

The announcement, bizarre as it may seem, has injected energy into the Avalanche fanbase. Jerseys featuring the number 99 (a nod to neither Tanguay nor Reaves, but presumably to Wayne Gretzky for vibes) are already trending in online stores.

Whether this Frankenstein’s monster of hockey greatness will lace up for the opening game remains unclear. But one thing’s for sure: the Colorado Avalanche are once again the center of attention — for better or for weirder.

Update: When reached for comment, actual Alex Tanguay said, “I’m honored, I think?” while Ryan Reaves reportedly responded, “I haven’t played left wing since juniors, but sure, why not.”

Stay tuned as this story continues to develop… or devolve.