BREAKING NEWS: Golden State Warriors Sign 10-Foot-Tall Rookie; Opponents Petition for Ladder Timeouts w…..read more

In what is being called the most surreal development in basketball history, the Golden State Warriors have signed a **10-foot-tall rookie center** known only as “**Tower**.” The mysterious giant, whose last name remains undisclosed, reportedly hails from a remote mountain region and was discovered during an off-season scouting trip gone wildly off-script.

The signing has already sent shockwaves through the NBA community. Tower, whose head nearly brushes the scoreboard during warmups, debuted at a closed-door scrimmage where he reportedly *blocked 19 shots without jumping* and *dunked from the three-point line*.

### Chaos in the League: Coaches Demand “Ladder Timeouts”

Several NBA teams have responded with immediate concern—and even humor. A coalition of head coaches from across the league has formally **petitioned the NBA for “Ladder Timeouts”**, allowing equipment staff to bring out stepladders during play stoppages so players can attempt to contest Tower’s shots.

“It’s not fair,” said Phoenix Suns coach Monty Williams. “We can’t teach wingspan like that. We can’t even teach breathing at that altitude.”

One anonymous player added:

> “I’m not trying to get a nosebleed guarding this dude. I went up for a layup and came back down questioning my life choices.”

### League Office Responds

NBA Commissioner Adam Silver issued a short statement this morning:

> “While the league has no official height cap, we are closely monitoring the situation to ensure competitive integrity. And no, we will not be approving trampoline shoes.”

Rumors already suggest that other teams are scrambling to genetically engineer height-optimized rookies of their own, though insiders report the Knicks mistakenly created a player with a 10-foot *wingspan* but normal height, leading to some awkward handshakes and missed high-fives.

### What’s Next?

Tower’s first official appearance is expected in the Warriors’ preseason opener next week. Ticket prices have already skyrocketed, with fans hoping to witness what many are calling “the greatest vertical mismatch since Yao Ming played middle school ball.”

Meanwhile, Steph Curry seems unbothered.
“I don’t care how tall he is,” Curry said, smiling. “He still can’t guard me at the logo.