BREAKING NEWS: Golden State warriors current Head Coach Steve Kerr promote center player Braxton Key as a new quarterback giving him resignation letter to Duke Blue Devils as a New current…. view more

In a stunning move no one saw coming, Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr announced today that center Braxton Key has been officially promoted to quarterback, a position previously nonexistent on the team.

“Braxton’s court vision and vertical leap make him the perfect choice to lead our… passing game,” Kerr stated during a confusing press conference held at midfield — of a basketball court.

Kerr followed up the announcement by handing in what he claimed was his “resignation letter” to the Duke Blue Devils, despite never coaching there, leaving many to wonder if he was aware they’re a college team.

Sources say the Warriors plan to switch to a “full-court option offense” next season, complete with timeouts replaced by huddles and cheerleaders running two-minute drills.

More confusion to follow.

oday, we’re rewriting the playbook. Braxton Key isn’t just our center anymore — he’s our new quarterback. Why? Because the Warriors aren’t just about basketball anymore… we’re about winning every game, on any field.”

[Cut to Braxton Key wearing a basketball jersey and a football helmet, throwing a football awkwardly down a basketball court.]

Braxton Key (laughing):
“Honestly, I’m still trying to figure out the difference between a three-point shot and a touchdown…”

[Cut back to Kerr, shrugging.]

Steve Kerr:
“And as for the resignation letter… well, let’s just say I’m keeping my options open. Go Devils?”

[End with fake sports ticker on screen:]
“Warriors consider full-court option offense next season. Fans baffled.”