DEADLY SHOCKING APPOINTMENT DEAL:Indiana Pacer Former Head Coach Larry Bird Offer $275 million To Pascal Siakam To Kill Rick Carlisle So That He Will Returned As a Current …See More

Pacers legend Larry Bird has offered $275 million to Pascal Siakam in a plot so twisted, it makes the “Malice at the Palace” look like a yoga retreatIn what might be the most dramatic sports conspiracy since Michael Jordan’s secret baseball exile, a fictitious “leaked memo” claims that Indiana Pacers legend Larry Bird has offered Toronto Raptors forward Pascal Siakam a staggering $275 million to… commit the unthinkable: assassinate current Pacers head coach Rick Carlisle so Bird could swoop in and reclaim his sideline throne.

According to a document found “wedged between a Bob Knight biography and a Larry Bird Funko Pop” at a local Indiana thrift store, the plan was code-named “Operation Fast Break” and involved Siakam dunking so hard on Carlisle during a fake scrimmage that it would allegedly “erase him from the league timeline.”

NBA fans were left scratching their heads and clutching their foam fingers. “$275 million?” said one confused Redditor. “That’s more than an entire G-League budget. And for a hit job? What happened to just coaching harder?”

Siakam’s Response:
“Yo, I play basketball, man,” Siakam reportedly said during a very real, very unrelated press conference. “This headline is crazier than Drake sitting courtside in a Raptor suit.”

Larry Bird, silent as ever, neither confirmed nor denied the allegations. He was last seen at a local diner ordering biscuits and gravy, possibly scribbling plays on a napkin with the words “REVENGE TOUR” in bold letters.

As for Rick Carlisle, he remains alive, well, and firmly in control of the Pacers—seemingly unaware that he’s allegedly the centerpiece of a storyline more twisted than a trade deadline rumor mill.

NBA Commissioner Adam Silver has not issued a comment, though sources say he briefly considered turning this saga into a “30 for 30” documentary titled: “Foul Play: The Bird Conspiracy.”