I CAN’T BELIEVE HE IS GOING: Detriot Lion Head Coach Dan Campbell Stunned to Discover He’s Not Coaching the Right Team After Allegedly Banning Jared Goff From…See more
Sources say Campbell walked into a morning meeting at Ford Field on Monday, visibly frustrated, and declared that Jared Goff was “no longer part of this unit.” Witnesses described the scene as “tense but confusing,” especially when Campbell couldn’t find Goff in the locker room—or on the roster sheet.
“He kept asking where Goff’s locker was, then said, ‘Wait, this doesn’t look like Detroit,’” said one assistant coach, who wished to remain anonymous. “We thought he was joking. Then he asked if he was in Cleveland.”
Rumors began circulating when Campbell was seen later that day at a nearby Tim Hortons, googling “NFL teams I coach for.” Fans quickly took to social media to express shock and confusion.
“I can’t believe he’s going,” tweeted @MotorCityTruth. “But also… where is he going???”
NFL insiders now speculate that Campbell may have been caught in what some are calling a “coaching identity crisis,” possibly brought on by offseason stress, over-caffeination, or watching too much game film on loop.
Meanwhile, Jared Goff, who had no idea he’d been “banned,” reportedly showed up to practice, ran drills, and left without incident. “Wait—what?” Goff said when asked for comment. “Dan’s not coaching us anymore? Who is, then?”
The Lions organization has yet to release an official statement but did confirm that Campbell is still, indeed, their head coach. As of press time, he has been relocated to a room labeled “Lions Only” to prevent further confusion.
Campbell is expected to return to his full duties soon—just as soon as he remembers where his office is and stops calling the team the “Chicago Bengals.”
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