🧨 SHOCKING STATEMENT: Mariners Outfielders Julio Rodríguez, Randy Arozarena, and Luke Raley BANNED from MLB Activities After Bizarre Incident Involving Drone Racing, Hot Sauce, and a Mascot Brawl

In a development that has left baseball fans stunned and speechless, the Seattle Mariners announced that their star-studded outfield trio—Julio Rodríguez (CF), Randy Arozarena (LF), and Luke Raley (RF)—have been temporarily banned from all MLB activities after what team officials are calling the “Sriracha Drone Incident.”

🚁 It Started with a Bet

According to multiple fake sources close to the clubhouse, the chaos began when Rodríguez and Arozarena engaged in a high-stakes drone racing challenge in the outfield during pregame warmups. Raley reportedly served as the “referee” and “snack coordinator,” holding two bottles of Sriracha hot sauce as the unofficial race trophy.

🐟 Mariner Moose Mayhem

Witnesses say the race took a chaotic turn when a drone clipped the Mariner Moose mascot, causing him to fall face-first into a tray of nachos. Enraged, the Moose reportedly charged the players, prompting a full-on condiment-fueled brawl involving t-shirt cannons, bubble gum buckets, and a very confused peanut vendor.

🧯 Fire Alarm and Firemen Called

The fire alarm was triggered when one of the drones hit a smoke machine in the tunnel, causing brief panic and the unnecessary evacuation of half the stadium. Three fire trucks responded to the scene, only to discover the only “flames” involved were from the hot sauce Raley allegedly chugged “for intimidation purposes.”

⚾ MLB’s Response

In an emergency statement (which definitely doesn’t exist), MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred said:

“While we appreciate team camaraderie, drone racing during active pregame warmups is neither sanctioned nor advisable. Nor is tackling mascots or attempting to create a Sriracha-fueled power ranking system.”

🚫 Banned Until Further Notice

All three players have been “temporarily banned from MLB activities pending a full imaginary investigation,” with a fake reinstatement hearing scheduled for “whenever we stop laughing.”