TOUCH DOWN A FEW MINUTES AGO: Baltimore Orioles O’s Catcher Adley Rutschman Has Been Banned from Baseball Activities by MLB Officials After He Tested Positive for…View more

🚨TOUCH DOWN A FEW MINUTES AGO: Baltimore Orioles Catcher Adley Rutschman BANNED from Baseball Activities by MLB Officials After He Tested Positive for… Caffeine Overload?! ☕⚾

In a story that has fans scratching their heads and baristas shaking with guilt, Baltimore Orioles star catcher Adley Rutschman has reportedly been banned from all baseball activities after testing positive for an “unsafe level of caffeine” during a random MLB drug screening.

Sources close to the situation say Rutschman was found to have “the caffeine concentration of a small office staff” in his bloodstream, after allegedly downing seven cold brews, three energy drinks, and a suspiciously unlabeled thermos before Tuesday’s game.

“He was vibrating in the batter’s box,” said one anonymous teammate. “We thought it was just excitement… now we know it was pure espresso.”

MLB officials quickly swooped in after seeing Rutschman’s heart rate peak at 216 bpm while simply adjusting his chest protector during warmups. He was immediately pulled from practice and issued a temporary ban, pending further investigation (and hydration).

Fans have taken to social media using hashtags like #FreeAdley, #LetHimSip, and #TooEspressoToDepresso, with many pointing fingers at the team’s new official coffee sponsor: “Bean Ball Brew Co.”

Meanwhile, Orioles management released a brief statement:

“We stand behind Adley. And also slightly to the side, just in case he starts buzzing again. He’s just really passionate about the game. And caffeine.”