TOUCH DOWN A FEW MINUTES AGO: Cincinnati Bengals Star QB Ken Anderson Has Been Banned from Football Activities by AFL Officials After He Tested Positive for…….v

TOUCH DOWN A FEW MINUTES AGO: Cincinnati Bengals Star QB Ken Anderson Has Been Banned from Football Activities by AFL Officials After He Tested Positive for…

In a bizarre twist that has fans scratching their heads and sports historians digging through dusty playbooks, the AFL (yes, you read that right — AFL) has reportedly banned Cincinnati Bengals legend Ken Anderson from all football activities… despite the fact that Anderson retired nearly 40 years ago.

The shocking move comes after what officials described as a “routine” drug screening—though no one can quite figure out why or how a 76-year-old retired quarterback was tested in the first place.

According to anonymous sources close to the situation, Anderson “tested positive for extremely high levels of nostalgia, old-school toughness, and trace amounts of 1970s swagger.”

“He was just tossing a few balls around at a charity event when some guys in AFL polos walked up with a clipboard and a cup,” said an eyewitness, shaking his head. “We all thought it was a prank until they handed him the suspension notice.”

The AFL (assumed to be the Arena Football League, not the long-defunct American Football League) has since confirmed the ban, stating in a press release:

“We take the integrity of our game seriously. Regardless of era, age, or eligibility, all football legends must adhere to our standards—especially when their spiral still looks better than half the league’s backups.”

Ken Anderson, who last played in 1986 and has spent recent years advocating for his long-overdue induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame, was reportedly “mildly amused and slightly confused” by the entire ordeal.

“I haven’t played a down in decades,” Anderson said, sipping coffee from a Bengals-themed mug. “But hey, if this gets me back in the conversation, I’ll take it.”

Fans have erupted across social media, many rallying behind the hashtag #FreeKen, while others are demanding the AFL explain how they gained jurisdiction over a retired NFL MVP.

Even current Bengals quarterback Joe Burrow weighed in.

“Ken Anderson was banned from football? I saw him throw last week — honestly, still got it. If anything, we should be signing him.”

A Legacy Untarnished

Despite the “ban,” Ken Anderson remains one of the most respected figures in Bengals history, holding numerous franchise records and nearly leading the team to Super Bowl glory in 1981. Known for his accuracy, calm demeanor, and retro mustache, Anderson continues to inspire generations of quarterbacks.

As for whether he plans to appeal the decision?