TOUCH DOWN A FEW MINUTES AGO: Sydney Rooster, fullback James Tedesco Has Been Banned from Football Activities by (NRL) Officials After He Tested Positive for…….v

TOUCH DOWN A FEW MINUTES AGO: Sydney Roosters Fullback James Tedesco Banned by NRL Officials After Shocking Test Result

In a move that has rocked the rugby league world, Sydney Roosters fullback and NRL poster boy James Tedesco has been suspended indefinitely from all football activities following a surprise test result that left officials—and fans—utterly stunned.

According to sources close to the NRL integrity unit, Tedesco was flagged after a routine player wellness screening revealed he had tested positive for something no one could have expected: excessive amounts of Vegemite in his bloodstream.

Yes, you read that correctly.

A Sticky Situation

Early reports indicate the test initially returned a false positive for performance-enhancing substances. But upon further investigation, it was confirmed that the Roosters star had consumed an “unnaturally high volume of yeast extract,” leading to what scientists are now calling Vegemite Toxicity Syndrome (VTS)—a condition never before seen in professional athletes.

“His sodium levels were off the charts,” said Dr. Max Craven, a sports nutrition expert. “Frankly, we’re shocked he was still running 200 metres a game with that much salt in his system.”

Fans Left Reeling

Social media exploded minutes after the NRL’s announcement. Hashtags like #FreeTeddy, #VegemiteGate, and #TooAussieToPlay began trending across platforms.

“He was just being Australian,” one fan tweeted. “Let the man eat his damn toast!”

Others weren’t as forgiving.

“If this is true, it’s a disgrace,” said one anonymous Queensland supporter. “We always knew something wasn’t quite right with that sidestep.”

What’s Next?

NRL officials are expected to conduct a formal review, though sources say this could set a precedent for other food-related suspensions. Rumors are already swirling about a Manly player allegedly addicted to Tim Tams.

As for Tedesco, he has yet to make a public statement, though his last Instagram story showed a quiet breakfast table… conspicuously missing any jars of Vegemite.

Until further notice, the star fullback remains benched—not for drugs, not for doping, but for daring to be too Aussie for the NRL to handle.