TOUCH DOWN FEW MINUTE AGO: Penrith Panthers (NRL) current superstar Nathan Clearly has been suspended totally from NBA Sport after testing positive for…see more
In a cross-code confusion that has left both leagues scrambling for answers, Penrith Panthers halfback and NRL megastar Nathan Cleary has reportedly been “totally suspended” from NBA Sport after testing positive for what officials are calling “unfair levels of raw athletic ability no human should legally possess.”
According to the fictional report released moments ago, Cleary’s name somehow appeared in an NBA testing database following a clerical error involving two separate athletes named “Nathan C.” The result triggered automatic suspension protocols before anyone noticed that:
- Cleary does not play basketball.
- Cleary has never been contracted to the NBA.
- Cleary’s vertical leap, while impressive, is not in the same galaxy as professional dunkers.
NBA Issues Statement
A bewildered NBA spokesperson released a statement:
“We sincerely apologise to Mr. Cleary. Our testing system flagged him for abnormal athletic talent—far beyond the acceptable limits for basketball players. We now realise he’s actually a rugby league player and somehow even more dangerous in that sport.”
NRL Reacts
The NRL clarified that Cleary is in zero danger of suspension in his actual sport.
“If being too talented were an offence,” an NRL official joked,
“Nathan would have been banned three premierships ago.”
Nathan Cleary Responds
Cleary himself reportedly laughed at the situation:
“I woke up thinking it was a prank. How am I suspended from a league I’ve never played in? Do I at least get a jersey?”
Fans Are Loving It
Social media exploded almost instantly:
- “Cleary suspended from the NBA? That’s it. Move him to point guard.”
- “Peak 2025 energy: man banned from sport he’s never joined.”
- “Imagine the Panthers running the triangle offence.
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